This will probably be my last movie review in a while.  I’d like to get back to writing something more substantive, and also most of the good movies this year have already come out.

But to begin with, I’ve put together one of those clever “stereoscopic” pictures—you know, the ones where you have to look “past” the two pictures until they overlap, forming a 3D image.  Check it out!

Brendan Fraser awkwardly stars as a nerdy geologist.
Brendan Fraser awkwardly stars as a nerdy geologist.

I’m sorry, what was that?  You’ve tried squinting at the darn thing for five minutes, and it still looks flat?

Well, that’s on purpose.  You see, the whole movie is flat.  Brendan Fraser is flat.  The characters are flat, the acting is flat, the plot is flat.  Even though it’s in 3D.  (What a genius observation, ha ha!)  Really, this is just a gimmick movie where that magical third dimension is the only justification for seeing the film. The problem is, those 3D glasses kinda gave me a headache.  Or maybe it was the movie itself.

So here’s my usual rating system:

  • I would pay money to see it again ($$$$).
  • I would see it again if someone gave me a free ticket ($$$).
  • I wouldn’t see it again even if someone gave me a free ticket ($$).
  • I wouldn’t see it again even if someone paid me to go ($).

Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D lands (one dollar and change).  So far, that’s my lowest rating ever, but I haven’t rated that many movies.  Rest assured, if they release another live-action 101 Dalmations sequel, and I am physically dragged into the theater and duct taped to the seat with my eyes glued open, we would be plumbing the depths of this rating system.

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