It’s time for a song, kids!

I was inspired to write this ditty by a “Worst Analogies Ever Written in a High School Essay” contest by the Washington Post.  The signature line is from that contest.

Soda Pop Music

Verse 1
So your situation’s dire
’Cause your faith is going flat,
And your comfort turns desire
For its sugar into fat.
You can go to church on Sunday
To refill your 8-oz. cup,
But our God wants more than one day,
So live all 7 Up.
You have read it in His Holy Book
That God can change your self,
So take your store-brand outlook
And roll it off the shelf.
For life is but a vapor,
And so fleeting is its span;
It’s like the period after “Dr”
On the Dr Pepper can.

Verse 2
So your life is now in danger
And its flavor’s at its worst
’Cause you’ve made our God a stranger
And you won’t Obey Your Thirst.
For a greedy Doubting Thomas
Changed the Classic for the New
When you swapped the gospel promise
For a diet cola brew.
Yet His blessing’s not a maybe
If you turn your life about,
And You’ve Got the Right One, Baby,
When you pour your service out.
For life is but a vapor,
And so fleeting is its span;
It’s like the period after “Dr”
On the Dr Pepper can.

Verse 3
So your joy will overflow,
And it will bubble to the brink
When you lose the world you know
For a refreshing fountain drink.
Your spirit will awaken
When you pour the liquid down;
You will never be forsaken
’Til you take the Royal Crown.
For the gospel—every letter—
Is Mount Zion’s revenue,
And The World will not Taste Better
Once you drink that Mountain Dew.
For life is but a vapor,
And so fleeting is its span;
It’s like the period after “Dr”
On the Dr Pepper can.

I wonder if I can enter it in a “Worst Songs Ever Written by a Church Employee” contest.  Though who knows, if I brand it as Christian music, I can make it immune from criticism…after all, someone might get saved through this song!

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