As a single Christian man, I need to know what kind of woman God wants me to seek. Rather than relying on unbiblical concepts such as “compatibility” (how can two sinners be “compatible” at all?), men should be looking at God’s Word for wisdom in this area. I’ve recently been praying for wisdom myself. As an answer to my prayers, God showed me the following passage as I studied 1 Timothy yesterday:
1 Timothy 2:9-15
9 …Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. 11 Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. 15 Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.
Characteristics of a godly woman include:
- Modesty (v. 9). Particularly, this means modesty in dress — she is not just conscious of how much skin she is revealing, but of whether she is using her clothes and makeup as a means to show off (v. 10). A godly woman doesn’t focus on external appearance and fashion but on “faith and love and holiness” (v. 15). Paul mentions that this takes self-control (v. 10) — I hadn’t thought of it that way before, but I suppose it must take a lot of self-control to turn away from the sinful desire to grab men’s attention through sexual attraction and the latest fashions.
- Good works (v. 10). This one stood out the most to me. It’s something I don’t see very often in believers — and it’s something I need myself. Finding a woman overflowing in good works that come from love is a very difficult task. “She may be pretty, but do her actions demonstrate love for God and for others?” That’s a question I need to ask more.
- Submissiveness (vv. 11-12). Here’s a controversial one. A godly woman would be willing to submit to her husband’s authority, even if he’s acting like an idiot (which would be often in my case).
- Faith and love and holiness (v. 15). These require a close relationship with God and a devotion to the study of His Word and to prayer. A godly woman seeks a transformed mind, so her behavior is transformed as well. A woman who puts little emphasis on spiritual discipline is a poor choice for a wife.
- Self-control (v. 15). This is the second time Paul mentions self-control in this passage. So it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that this must be an important virtue for a godly woman. God calls her to discipline herself, to make sacrifices, and to do what’s right, even if she doesn’t feel like it. A godly woman isn’t controlled by her feelings but by God’s will.
It’s easy to throw patience out the window and just go for the first girl who looks good. This passage has really helped to clarify my thinking about what kind of a woman I should be seeking. We are to rely first of all on wisdom, not on our feelings. Praise God for the wisdom in His Word! Whenever I read the often-empty and shallow wisdom of the world, I’m very grateful to know that we Christians have the Bible, a source of infallible wisdom and truth.