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Iron Man review
This is the third movie review on my blog. By now, I’m pretty much an expert. You can count on me to be a trustworthy and reliable guide who will save you the trouble of deciding whether to spend your hard-earned flamboyant cash on a movie or on a 2-lb. bag of Jelly Belly Flops instead.
Iron Man is a very good movie. I would recommend watching it. If you want me to rave about the phenomenal job Robert Downey, Jr. did as Tony Whatever, sorry, go read another review. Actually, you should probably do that anyway. I don’t think I have much to add to what “real” movie critics have said, other than to comment on the fact that apparently terrorists are very stupid people who can’t tell the difference between a missile launcher and a suit of robotic iron armor. Fortunately, the movie is so much fun that it doesn’t really matter.
By now, you’ve probably figured out that I know next to nothing about the Iron Man comic book legacy. I referred to the hero as “Tony Whatever,” but this was simply a case of humorous irony because I knew full well that his name was Tony Stark. However, I had to pay a visit to the Iron Man Wikipedia page that night to get an idea of how faithful the movie is to the comics. As it turns out, the answer is “not very,” because there weren’t nearly enough alternate universes, fake deaths, and other bewilderingly stupid plot devices common to all popular comic book superheroes. I remember reading about the Fantastic Four before viewing their second movie, The Rise of the Silver Surfer; I finally had to call it quits on my research in order to retain my sanity.
Speaking of the Silver Surfer, what’s up with that name? That’s probably the worst superhero/villain name I’ve ever heard. “Silver Surfer”? What’s his catchphrase: “hang ten, bra”? Doesn’t exactly strike fear into the hearts of men. It was pretty tough to overcome the image of a laid-back Aussie surfer dude while watching the Silver Surfer movie (which was pretty dumb, by the way). Now, that’s one strength of Iron Man—at no point in the movie did I ever catch myself thinking about the main characters: These people are all annoying and I don’t care about them. Most movie critics agree that establishing a…pathos…with the heroes is important to a movie. In this sense, Iron Man is a rousing success because I actually found myself liking Tony and Pepper and Tony’s robotic assistants and even the bad guy Obadiah Stane—though in Obi-Stan’s case, it’s mostly because he has a cool name.
Actually, speaking of robots, that’s one area where I found it hard to suspend my disbelief. Everyone knows robots with artificial intelligence are bent on world domination and will stop at nothing to enslave or destroy mankind. So it’s tough to believe that they would haplessly and benevolently wield fire extinguishers to aid Iron Man in his quest for justice.
Well, the time has come to end this review. I have developed a handy new ratings system for movies:
- I would pay money to see it again ($$$$).
- I would see it again if someone gave me a free ticket ($$$).
- I wouldn’t see it again even if someone gave me a free ticket ($$).
- I wouldn’t see it again even if someone paid me to go ($).
Out of this four-dollar-sign rating system, I give Iron Man $$$¢ (three dollars and change). I encourage you to go see it.
Transformers
Suppose you are in possession of a device that could bring ruin and destruction on the world. Suppose also that you are being pursued by enemies who want to take this device for themselves. In order to find a good place to make a stand and be airlifted out, where would you go?
- A desolate place where the damage of the battle would be minimal.
- The middle of a city where untold millions of dollars of damage would be done to the buildings and hundreds of civilians would die from the battle.
If you chose (2), then you would probably get along pretty well with Michael Bay, director of the Transformers movie. Michael Bay knows how to direct action sequences, but he can’t come up with a good plot to save his life. I’m always the last person to figure out plot holes, but I saw a bunch of them on my first viewing. Let’s just face it: Transformers is a stupid, stupid movie.
But it’s also a lot of fun to watch.
Thus, I give it $$$ out of $$$$ to signify that I’d like it to make a pretty good chunk of change at the box office (which it already has, and then some).
Live Free or Die Hard
was quite possibly the perfect summer action blockbuster. All sorts of stuff blew up and everything Bruce Willis said and did was awesome. Justin Long managed to be not annoying, which is probably the most important characteristic of a good sidekick. The movie also presented the collapse of our country’s infrastructure in a very disturbing and realistic (?) manner.
Since I hope this movie makes lots of money for being terrific, I rate it four dollar signs out of four ($$$$ out of $$$$).
I went to see it with Ben and Janet, and while Ben shared my enthusiasm, I think Janet was bored. So I would like to see Janet write a short review of Live Free or Die Hard on their blog. Just for fun. Maybe something along the lines of, “Today, I discovered how fascinating the insides of my eyelids can truly be.”
