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Grow up, Peter Pan! (Part 3 of 3)
If you’re a young man here in America, you’ve probably got a Peter Pan problem. In the first post in this series on Thursday, we looked at a list of symptoms that might indicate how even a Christian young man can struggle with a failure to grow up and take responsibility for the things that God wants him to take responsibility for. Then, in the second post, we looked at the heart issue behind this failure: we insist on maintaining the illusion of adequacy, and thus we only do the things that we are good at (e.g. watching TV, surfing the Internet, or even homework or sports). We aren’t willing to take on things that we’re bad at because it would wound our pride and force us to cry out to God for help.
We were not saved to be mediocre. God did not choose us in Jesus Christ “before the foundation of the world” to merely do the things for which we are adequate but “that we should be holy and blameless before him” (Ephesians 1:4). So often, we settle for legalism. We say and do enough to look like we’re obeying God’s law—enough to assuage our consciences and look good in front of other people. But we’re living a life devoid of faith. We aren’t willing to take risks for God; we’d rather trust in our own flesh than trust in God.
I don’t suppose you want to keep living like that. Here’s God’s way to live:
Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose trust is the LORD.
He is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit.
—Jeremiah 17:7-8
“The man who trusts in man” (v. 5) lives in a wasteland. But the one who trusts in the Lord—he grows and flourishes, bears fruit and stays green even in times of drought.
When we humble ourselves and begin to trust in the Lord rather than in our own adequacy, God’s Word comes alive. When you start doing what God calls you to do, you will quickly find your own wisdom and your own strength to be inadequate. You will find your own sin to be overwhelming. You will find yourself in prayer, often and at length, crying out for help. You will find yourself turning to the Bible for wisdom, guidance, and encouragement—and its words will no longer be boring but will crackle with energy. You will find yourself turning to mature believers for advice, instead of keeping your problems bottled up inside of you.
If you’re waiting for God to flip some switch inside of you to give you the faith to do all of those things…sorry, it doesn’t usually work that way. Here’s the advice that the apostle Paul gives: “Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:12-13). First, remember that God is at work in you. He isn’t watching lazily from heaven, waiting for you to make the first move, turning a deaf ear to your prayers. He is on your side. He is with you in this! He wants to see you grow and serve him faithfully, and he will exercise all of his might to make sure you do. Second, you have to get to work. You’re simply going to have to say a prayer, suck it up, and go out and take care of your responsibilities. It will be hard. You will be hurt. But you will finally know what it means to be “happy in Jesus.”
It’s a simple truth, and we tend to dismiss simple truths because we think we’re beyond them. But the fact is that we need to learn to trust and obey, like the hymn says:
When we walk with the Lord
In the light of his Word,
What a glory he sheds on our way!
While we do his good will,
He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.Trust and obey,
For there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus,
But to trust and obey.
Grow up, Peter Pan! (Part 2 of 3)
Yesterday, I admitted to being Peter Pan, and I incriminated a whole bunch of other young men in the process. Peter Pan won’t grow up; he’d rather not take responsibility for things that grown-ups are supposed to do. Peter Pan lives in a fantasy world which substitutes for the real world and its real problems, its real imperfections, and its real responsibilities.
Now that I’ve laid out a ridiculously long laundry list of unmanly habits and ways of thinking, I’d like to examine what the root is behind this problem. Why is it so hard for us to grow up? Why do we stay so childish for so long?
Well, if you read the first post carefully, you may already have an idea where this is going to go. I made a number of comments to the effect that if we just do things that we’re comfortable with or good at, we don’t need to depend on God. I want to explore that a little more, because this is a dangerous tendency that is most pronounced in guys—because they are called as men to lead and to initiate—but affects everyone to some degree.
There’s a sentence in the Bible that I just haven’t been able to get out of my mind these last couple of weeks. It’s the second half of 2 Corinthians 2:16: “Who is sufficient for these things?” In context, of course, Paul is writing about the preaching of God’s word and its effect “among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing” (v. 15). However, this question certainly applies to all forms of obedience. We cannot obey the Lord without his Spirit at work within us “to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). We are not sufficient—or adequate, as some translations put it—to do what is right with motives that are pleasing to God. We are not adequate to display Christ in our actions, our attitudes, and our words.
Here’s what we are adequate for. You and I are totally adequate to sit on the couch for hours and watch TV. We are totally adequate to stay up until one in the morning surfing the Internet. We are totally adequate to lock ourselves away in our rooms and do homework. We are totally adequate not to tell our friends and family the good news of Jesus Christ. We are totally adequate to wimp out on asking out young women we like. We are totally adequate to confine ourselves to our circle of friends, people just like us, from our age group, around whom we’re comfortable. We are totally adequate to do all these things that are easy and natural.
What a tragedy of adequacy! We want to do only those things for which we are able to trust in our own strength. Take a look at what God says about this lifestyle:
Thus says the LORD:
“Cursed is the man who trusts in man
and makes flesh his strength,
whose heart turns away from the LORD.
He is like a shrub in the desert,
and shall not see any good come.
He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
in an uninhabited salt land.”
—Jeremiah 17:5-6
I have lived in that uninhabited salt land for years. Perhaps you have, too. You’re miserable, aren’t you? You haven’t seen any good come. Your life is parched; you are depressed and discouraged. Friends and movies and video games and sports can make you happy for a little while, but before long you are back in the desert. The Bible seems dead, boring, and dry; your prayers are limp and ineffective.
You have trusted in man. You have made flesh your strength. Often, we put our trust in other people—in the President or sports icons or parents or friends; they will always disappoint us. Yet a much more sinister form of trusting in man is when we trust in ourselves. That’s why we only do the things we’re adequate to do. You and I—we don’t want to do anything that would require us to trust in God. We’d rather do what we’re capable of doing on our own. It doesn’t take any faith whatsoever to watch TV or play video games or sports (if you’re athletic) or do homework (if you’re intelligent). It takes faith to actually step out and obey God.
Of course, if we were to obey God, we’d quickly realize that we can’t do it on our own strength, and then we’d have to cry out for help. That’s a blow to the ego. And you and I have invested far too much effort into polishing our pride and propping up our reputations; we certainly can’t get down on our knees, weeping, crying out for help from the God who is the only one who can help. “The arm of flesh will fail you; ye dare not trust your own.”
That’s why we’re Peter Pans. We are self-reliant. We are proud. We are arrogant. And we don’t want to have to act out of faith in God. We don’t want to depend on him.
Of course, this lifestyle doesn’t work. I know it doesn’t. But often, I’d rather be miserable and govern my own life—with God as a Tinkerbell perched on my shoulder—than recognize and submit to his Lordship and experience the joy he has to offer. More on that joy in the third and final post.
Grow up, Peter Pan! (Part 1 of 3)
If you’ve ever heard or read anything by Mark Driscoll, you’ll immediately understand why he is one of the most controversial preachers in the church today. He is very firm on his doctrine and is very blunt—often to the point of being crass—in expressing his convictions. Recently, Driscoll traveled to Australia and criticized the church there (at their invitation). One of the most jarring criticisms was of the young men; he told them to grow up, get involved in the church, get married, start families, etc. Driscoll refers to young men who don’t do these things as “Peter Pans.”
Now, let’s set aside Driscoll himself and talk about what it means to be a “Peter Pan.” It’s terrific imagery because:
- Peter Pan tries to avoid growing up and taking responsibility for the things grown-ups should take responsibility for.
- Peter Pan lives off in a fantasy world instead of dealing with the problems of the real world.
Guys, does that sound like you? It sure as heck sounds like me. It’s remarkable—and disconcerting—how much of the sin in my life falls under this heading. But perhaps you’re not convinced. I want to help us all out here by coming up with a (non-exhaustive) list of signs that indicate how you and I may be Peter Pan. Many of these I gathered from looking in the mirror, while a few I gathered from observing other young men around my own age (these are geared toward guys in their college years or 20s). I decided to err on the side of being harsh because I’d rather overstate my case than understate it.
You might be Peter Pan if…
- You spend hours in front of the TV set each day—watching TV or movies or playing video games.
- You spend hours on your computer each day surfing the Internet aimlessly.
- You prefer spending time at the TV or computer over actually interacting with the people around you.
- You always have your iPod earbuds in your ears, even for two-minute walks between classes. You can’t stand the thought of silence (the horror of it!).
- You’d rather listen to your music than talk to people.
- You avoid talking to people you don’t know. You just hang around your own cozy little circle of friends and never show interest in anyone new.
- You typically keep your bedroom door closed and your window blinds shut, blocking out the outside world.
- You use the fact that you’re an introvert as an excuse to avoid other people. (Sorry, introverts—I’m one, too, and I know this is a crap excuse.)
…and you might be Peter Pan if…
- You catch yourself daydreaming frequently—in fact, most of your internal reflections are daydreams.
- You live your live vicariously through your daydreams.
- You let your daydreams become a substitute for real relationships and real action.
- You don’t do things you know are right, and you’re not willing to take risks because you know what will happen if you do; somehow, you have attained God’s knowledge of the future, O wisest of sages.
…and you might be Peter Pan if…
- You don’t get your homework done until the last minute (if at all) and somehow convince yourself that it will take care of itself without you having to lift a finger.
- You don’t go to bed on time because it’s too much work to get off your butt and get ready for bed.
- You don’t clean up after yourself because you’re lazy and besides, your roommates will do it for you, just like your mommy used to.
- You slack off on laundry, grocery store trips, scheduling doctor’s appointments, or anything that will take effort, because it’s just too hard.
- You waste time at work on one frivolous distraction after another (such as reading this blog) instead of actually doing work.
- You don’t keep track of your finances because you know that daddy will always be around to bail you out.
- You whine and complain about any inconvenience (including inconvenient people) that God would dare bring across your path.
…and you might be Peter Pan if…
- You really like a young woman but you’re too chicken to ask her out. You’d rather spend your nights sleeplessly pining after her until she turns into an idol.
- You have every intention of staying single for reasons other than that it will free you up to serve the Lord more effectively (1 Corinthians 7:32).
- You think of a wife as being a “ball and chain” that will keep you from continuing in your carefree, selfish, indulgent lifestyle.
- You’re doing nothing—spiritually or financially—to prepare yourself for marriage and leading a family.
- You’re not actively looking for women whom you’d be interested in marrying.
- You don’t seek advice from older people on dating, marriage, and being a father. You figure you’ll just cross that bridge when you come to it. (It can’t be that hard, right? And it can’t possibly be as important as my studies!)
- You haven’t thought through biblical principles that would help you know how to go about dating/courting a young woman. You’re foolish enough to believe that because the Bible doesn’t use the word dating, God has nothing to say on the subject and you can follow what all your friends are doing.
- You let daydreams of marriage and sex substitute for the real thing. Imagining these things is a lot easier than actually winning over a woman’s heart, so you just stick with what you’re good at.
- You get sexual gratification from pornography, which is perfect for a lazy bum who isn’t willing to handle the responsibilities of leadership and service that are part of the package of sex within marriage.
- You use sexual fantasy as a narcotic to escape the pain of the real world.
- You want a girlfriend because you desperately need someone to love you. You’re needy and clingy. You fear other people rather than the Lord.
- You have a girlfriend, and you desperately need her to love you. You’re needy and clingy. You fear her rather than the Lord.
…and you might be Peter Pan if…
- You are not actively serving in a local church like God has insisted that you do (1 Corinthians 12). You only hang around your buddies in the college ministry.
- You don’t know anyone at your church who is more than four years older than you.
- You don’t seek out friendships with older men. You make no effort to listen and learn from older men.
- You don’t get enough sleep during the week, and especially Saturday night, so you aren’t alert during the sermon to hear the things God wants to teach you.
- You’ve never taken time to leaf through your church’s hymnal and marvel at the rich doctrine found in the hymns inside (assuming your church uses a hymnal).
- You haven’t been baptized and you’ve never really put much thought into it.
- You skip the Lord’s Supper at Family Gathering service (KSBC only) and think it’s no big deal because being able to put off your homework until Sunday night is more important to you. Never mind that Jesus told you to do do it in memory of him.
- You don’t care about church membership. It’s something you’ll get to one day, maybe, if you feel like it.
- You care more about the Indianapolis Colts (or other local sports team) than you do about your church, its growth, and the people in it.
…and you might be Peter Pan if…
- You never spend more than two minutes in prayer, and your prayers sound like a boring grocery list of requests. You never do anything that would force you to depend on God in prayer.
- You never pray together with other believers.
- You never pray for anyone except yourself.
- You don’t read your Bible for wisdom because you don’t need its wisdom to know how to sit on the couch and watch TV all day, or to spend all day studying for your classes. You’re totally adequate for these things, so you’ll stick with what you’re good at instead of, you know, actually trusting and obeying God.
- You don’t memorize scripture because it’s “too hard.” No, it’s not.
- You never share the gospel with anyone because you’re too afraid of what people will think of you. If only that perfect opportunity would just fall into your lap…
…and you might be Peter Pan if…
- You feel more comfortable referring to yourself as a “guy” rather than a “man.”
- Other people feel more comfortable referring to you as a “guy” rather than a “man.”
- People don’t come to you for advice and help for difficult situations in their lives because they know that all you’re good for is your MP3 collection or your knowledge of sports trivia or your knack for acing engineering exams.
Most of these are sins of omission rather than sins of commission. Many of the “bad” things mentioned aren’t bad in and of themselves (TV, music, sports, studies, etc.). They’re bad because they replace something that should not be omitted. Being a Peter Pan is all about sins of omission.
So we’ve identified some of the symptoms, but what is the cancer underlying all these problems? What is behind this menagerie of sins? Stay tuned for the sequel—part two out of three.
Also, if you can think of more signs of a Peter Pan, I’d love to read what you have to say. A woman’s perspective on these would be helpful, too! So please feel welcome to leave comments.
Authority in The Shack
On Sunday, I posted a one-sentence review of The Shack and promised to return with a couple more posts: the first critiquing its teaching on authority, and the second examining why it seems to be so popular and emotionally powerful.
So…the first. If you haven’t read Gerald Hiestand’s review, do that first; then come back here. Before I had read The Shack, I read his review, and it sounded over-the-top to me. After reading the book, I’m convinced that, far from exaggerating the problem, Hiestand has put his finger on the single most dangerous theme of the book—that authority is a human construct brought about by the Fall, that God considers it “ghastly” (p. 122), and that it is incompatible with true relationship. Though there are many serious errors in the book, this is one that Young relentlessly pursues throughout the course of his story. He lays it all out explicitly on pp. 121-124 in a conversation among Mack and the members of the Trinity. During the course of the dialogue, Jesus explains:
Once you have a hierarchy you need rules to protect and administer it, and then you need law and the enforcement of the rules, and you end up with some kind of chain of command or a system of order that destroys relationship rather than promotes it. You rarely see or experience relationship apart from power. Hierarchy imposes laws and rules and you end up missing the wonder of relationship that we intended for you.
One possible response to this is to engage in an imagined philosophical debate with Young over whether authority or hierarchy really is incompatible with relationship. Instead, I simply want to appeal to God himself—to the words given to us by God, not merely by William P. Young. The true God reveals himself primarily through the holy and precious scriptures “which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 3:15). The inherent goodness of God’s authority is stunningly obvious throughout the pages of the Bible. The first recorded words of God to man reflect his authority in an unbroken, sinless love relationship with his creature; in a rapid series of commands, he tells the man and the woman, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion…” (Genesis 1:28). That last one, especially, reminds us that man was created as part of a hierarchy, as God’s vice-regent over the creation. Throughout the creation accounts of Genesis 1-2, prior to the Fall, God commands all things into being, and he commands Adam not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (2:16). Throughout the rest of the Bible he issues commands and decrees, and one day he will return to rule the nations “with a rod of iron” (Revelation 19:15). The one true God is not afraid of authority; he is not afraid to reign.
Because Young is familiar with the Bible, he can’t help but slip back into hierarchical terminology when referring to God, describing Jesus as “Lord of Creation” (p. 176) and “king of the universe” (p. 216). But otherwise, he’s pretty consistent in applying this principle because he proceeds to denigrate the authority of the Bible, of the church, and of men.
The Bible
The only time Young mentions the Bible with more than a passing reference is when he attempts to devalue it. This takes place on pp. 65-66, where he portrays it as God’s words “reduced to paper.” It is not “overt” or “direct” communication by God. It is “moderated and deciphered by the proper authorities and intellects…the intelligentsia.” It limits God: “No one wanted God in a box, just in a book.”
While Young uses biblical terminology throughout much of the book, he feels free to supplement the teachings of scripture with his own ideas about God, even going so far as to contradict the Bible if necessary to suit his agenda (as we have already seen). He does not respect the authority of scripture as Jesus Christ did (Matthew 5:17-19). He does not treasure its words as the psalmist did (Psalm 119).
The Church
Once again, every mention of the church as an institution is negative. Using Jesus as his spokesman, Young explains that the church “is all about people and life is all about relationships” (p. 178). It’s hard to argue with that…until we remember that to him, relationships are incompatible with authority. Young’s Jesus insists, “I don’t create institutions—never have, never will” (p. 179). This is utterly absurd; Christ did institute his church. He gave it the sacraments of the Lord’s Supper and baptism. He established procedures for church discipline (Matthew 18:15-20). His apostles, sent with his authority, affirmed the offices of elder and deacon (1 Timothy 3:1-13, Titus 1:5-9). They laid out rules and guidelines for proper conduct in the church (1 Corinthians 14) and care for the widows (1 Timothy 5:3-16), among other things. The Holy Spirit equipped the people of the church with spiritual gifts “for the common good” (1 Corinthians 12:7)—including the gifts of leadership (Romans 12:8) and administration (1 Corinthians 12:28)!
If the church—local and universal—is not an institution, I don’t know what is. Institutions are not inherently bad; in keeping with his response to the concept of authority itself, Young is throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Just because the church can be twisted and imperfect doesn’t mean that structure and hierarchy are themselves evil. In the church, they are the structure on which relationships grow and flourish.
Masculinity
Hiestand came down hard on this one, and after reading the book, I understand why. Let’s set aside the jarring fact that God the Father appears as a woman (Young insists on veering from the almost exclusively male depiction of God in the Bible). Beyond that, the author undermines male headship and strongly implies that women are superior to men. As a result of pitting relationship against authority, Young ends up rightly affirming feminine virtues while criticizing a caricature of masculine virtues. His Jesus explains to Mack, “Like most men you find what you think of as fulfillment in your achievements, and Nan [Mack's wife], like most women, find [sic] it in relationships. It’s more naturally her language” (p. 146). It’s not hard to figure out where this is leading. Young spends the entire book rejoicing in relationships, so of course women, who are apparently better than men at this, end up being naturally superior to men.
Young’s Jesus goes on to say, “The world, in many ways, would be a much calmer and gentler place if women ruled. There would have been far fewer children sacrificed to the gods of greed and power” (p. 148). When Mack speculates that perhaps it would have been better if women were given the role of authority, Jesus responds, “Better, maybe, but it still wouldn’t have been enough.” Then he goes on to insist that power in human hands always corrupts and is inherently bad. So the damage has been done to masculinity; perhaps the world wouldn’t be a perfect place if women were in charge, but it would be better.
The Shack is all about a love relationship. This would be a great thing if Young left room for other perspectives offered by the Bible, which talks about our spiritual journey as fearing the Lord (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14), as a sacrifice to God (Philippians 2:17), as slavery to a new master (Romans 6:15-19), as a battle “against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12; tellingly, The Shack never once mentions the devil or demonic forces). But rather than leaving room for these and many other perspectives, he excludes them.
God has and will use The Shack to remind people that he loves them and longs for a deeper relationship with them. For that, I praise God and marvel at his use of flawed instruments to accomplish his perfect will. Yet I am afraid that this book will not only lead people astray with blatantly false teaching but encourage people to become fatally unbalanced in their understanding of masculinity, of the church, of the Bible, and ultimately of God himself.
Upcoming posts on church and campus
It’s 5:30 AM. I’ve been up for an hour, and I can’t get back to sleep.
There’s been a lot running through my mind over the last hour, and most of it has to do with a few series of blog posts I plan on writing over the next few weeks. So please be patient with me as, Lord willing, I put together these (tentatively titled) blog series:
- Bride and Bridesmaids. The typical major college campus is loaded with parachurch organizations such as Campus Crusade for Christ and The Navigators. But are these organizations actually fulfilling their biblical role? Are they replacing the local church? If so, is that a bad thing? Where should a college student seek to get involved? And is this purely an issue on a secular campus, or is it present in Christian colleges as well?
- Ice Cream Parlor. With what sort of attitude do we view the church? Do we approach it as consumers, looking for a particular experience or trying to get out of it what we want? Or do we approach it as a family, where we build redemptive relationships with others in order to glorify God? (I’m sure you can guess my answer already!)
- Guys or Men? What is the most troubling pattern I see among college-age guys (and older!) in the church? Passivity. It’s something I struggle with, too. And it’s the source of a world of corruption both in ourselves and in our church.
As you can probably sense already, there will be a lot of passion in each of these. In fact, I think they may be the most important things I have ever written here (and I could use your prayers as I write them!). So please stay tuned, and stay patient…this may take a while.
