Monthly Archives: February 2008
Green Giant Mixed Vegetables: Now Steams in the Bag!
Perfectly steam cooked every time, our vegetables use new steam seam technology to enhance the natural taste & goodness of delicious Green Giant® vegetables.
MICROWAVE DIRECTIONS
- PLACE unopened bag THIS SIDE UP on microwavable plate. DO NOT PIERCE BAG.
- MICROWAVE on High 5 to 6 minutes or until thoroughly heated and vegetables are tender. Note: Popping may occur when microwaving.
CAUTION: HOT! Be careful to avoid steam. - HOLD bag carefully at yellow circles at corner and center seam. PULL apart to open.
Hahahahaha! I get it. What a sucker I was to follow directions. You got me good, Green Giant. You got me good.
The KJV’s take on how to be a real man
Ben has pointed me to one of the funniest—and saddest—things I have ever seen, first featured on the Kingdom People blog. Watch a KJV-only advocate put into practice his homegrown exegetical technique.
Now the thing that confuses me is that the verse in question, 1 Kings 14:10, says that God “will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall.” So doesn’t that make it a dangerous activity to pee standing up? From now on, I’ll be sitting down, lest I incur the wrath of God…. 
So anyway, once you’re done laughing, it would be good to pray for Steven Anderson, the preacher you just saw. Because if his other sermons are any indication, God has a lot of work to do here. (As He does with all of us.)
Car window: repaired!
Just as an update (I know most of you were breathlessly waiting): my car window has officially been replaced. The Menards window (i.e. plastic sheet) that served as a stopgap against the elements is now languishing in a trash can somewhere inside Auto Glass Experts on Earl Avenue. It’s too bad…it was a well-constructed work of art installed by yours truly, with much help from Jared, the crown prince of jury-rigging. On the plus side, it’s nice to be able to see clearly through my window again.
Now to wait until my new cell phone comes in…(my current one broke this week). Buying electronics off of eBay is like researching on Wikipedia…you never know whether what you’re getting is good stuff or crap. So I recommend getting a warranty from SquareTrade. They’re reimbursing me entirely for my old eBay phone! Which is good.
A geyser of glass shards
Do you remember when you first learned to drive? Nothing came automatically. For me, I was so frustrated that my instructor wanted me to operate the pedals and steering wheel, check the mirrors, and use the turn signal at the same time. It was so hard!
Of course, as time goes on, we become much more adept at driving. The reason is that we develop a sort of autopilot: we build a subconscious mental model to interpret all the data that comes in through our eyes and to respond to it. Me, I can drive all the way across town to work and have little recollection of the journey—my mind simply drifts off in some other direction. Of course, when something out of the ordinary happens, we often aren’t prepared to deal with it. Our mental model is incapable of handling such an event.
So when my driver’s side window exploded this afternoon, I’m sure you can understand what a shock it was to me.
One moment, I was cruising down a busy US-52 lightly powdered with the morning’s snow. The next moment, a geyser of glass shards was raining down on me as my entire window spontaneously shattered inward. My theory is that somehow the heating and cooling of the glass caused it to break…but why today—when it was relatively warm out—I do not know. There didn’t seem to be any kids around to chuck rocks at my window. Though if there were kids around, who could blame them for aiming at me?
Anyway, this unfortunate incident took place while I was slowing to a stop at the SR-25 intersection, on the way home from church. I had less than a minute to ponder my predicament before traffic began moving again. And as my car accelerated, the large, dagger-like protrusions of glass left behind in the window began to rattle, shedding small, sharp crystals into my lap. As my brain struggled to resurface from its autopilot, I began to realize that this was a bad situation. So as I continued past Duncan Road and the Wabash River bridge, I drove with my right hand and yanked giant chunks of glass out of my driver’s side window frame with my left hand, while Sandra McCracken serenaded me from my car stereo. With my leather glove protecting my hand from cuts, yet with my mind at a loss for how to respond to this disaster, I tossed the glass onto the floor at my feet and drove home, bewildered.
Thankfully, Cheeseborger owns a shop vac. After today, I believe that everyone should own a shop vac for just such an occasion as this. So I suppose that if one were to look for a silver lining to this cloud, he would find two such linings: I finally vacuumed out my car, and I found 16¢ hidden under the driver’s side seat. Score! I’m putting this windfall toward the purchase of a new window.
