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The Single Life: A Season for Trust

October 30, 2009 by Dave

This perspective on the single life is the hardest for me.  I’ve realized lately that trusting the Lord is something I tend to resist.  I like to have all my theology worked out, all my plans in place, every contingency sorted out in my mind.  I don’t like to have to do anything that requires an absolute trust in the faithfulness of the Lord.  Yet this is the sort of faith that is required of all of us.  It’s the faith of Abraham.

Abraham’s faith is scary:  “Now the LORD said to Abram, ‘Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.…So Abram went, as the LORD had told him’” (Genesis 12:1, 4).  The author of Hebrews explains:

By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance.  And he went out, not knowing where he was going.  By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise.  For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God. (Hebrews 11:8–10)

We learn three things here.  First, this was an act of faith on Abraham’s part.  He obeyed “by faith.” We who follow Christ are justified by faith, and that same faith is what drives us to obey the Lord even when the way isn’t clear.  When we do hard things for God because we trust him to take care of us, we work out our salvation (Philippians 2:12).  Our faith is completed by our works because works are the natural response of faith (James 2:22); you can’t tease them apart since they are bound so close together.

Foggy roadSecond, this act of faith was a huge risk.  Abraham was leaving everything that was familiar to him—his family, his city, his culture.  He had no idea where he was going.  He had no idea what he would find when he got there.  The road was long and dangerous, along wilderness roads rife with bandits, away from the safety of the city of Haran.

Third, he left this city because he was looking forward to “the city that has foundations,” what is later called “the city that is to come” (13:14).  Its designer and its builder is God.  In this city there would be safety and rest for the weary traveler.  When we look toward this city—the heavenly Jerusalem, where God dwells with his people (Revelation 21:2–3), we gain the courage we need to face any challenges that come our way.  We know that God will preserve us for it and that he will welcome us home with open arms to spend eternity with him.  We are safe in the hands of the sovereign Lord who has always loved us and always will.

That’s why trusting the Lord is so important, whether you’re single or married, young or old, man or woman.  Without it, we can’t do anything to please God, “for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him” (Hebrews 11:6).  If we seek him, trusting that he will reward our search for him by revealing his loving presence to us, there is no trial, no suffering so great that we cannot handle it; there is  no opportunity that we cannot seize to glorify him.

For someone who is single, faith can express itself in many ways.  I think we’ve lost sight of this.  Whenever I see the phrase “trust in the Lord” applied to a single person, it’s almost always in the context of waiting for marriage.  The prototypical narrative, found in Christian books and articles and personal testimonies, goes something like this:  someone really wants to get married badly, but finally learns to trust in the Lord, experiences a wonderful feeling of peace about it, no longer seeks a spouse, and then God dumps a man or woman in that person’s lap uninvited, and they get married and live happily ever after.  Sometimes this does happen.  But I wonder whether many people reduce it to a formula:  God won’t give you what you want until you don’t want it.  Really?  Is God some sort of killjoy?  Is he playing games with us?  “Nope, you can’t have that!  Oh wait, you don’t want it now?  Too bad, I’m giving it to you anyway!”  This is not always how God works.  Trusting in the Lord always means that we rest in his sovereign will, but it doesn’t always mean that we sit back and do nothing.

If you are single, there are actually many different ways you can trust the Lord.  Maybe more than one of these applies to your situation:

  • You can be content to remain single, trusting that you don’t have to be married for the Lord to use you in remarkable ways (in fact, trusting that you can serve him in ways a married person never could!).
  • You can give up worrying about whether or not you will find a spouse, knowing that the Lord will give you what is best for you (Romans 8:28), that his grace is sufficient to bring you through this season of pain (2 Corinthians 12:9), and that he will never abandon you (Hebrews 13:5).
  • You can stop pursuing, in your actions and in your mind, men or women who aren’t believers or who aren’t eagerly following the Lord.  You trust that if you pursue a relationship with Jesus Christ, it will bring you far more joy than a relationship with anyone else ever could.
  • You can stop setting impossible standards for a spouse, trusting that the Holy Spirit will always be working to sanctify both you and your husband or wife.
  • You can have the courage you need to ask out that young woman you’re interested in, because you trust that the Lord will not abandon you even if you are rejected.  You will not fear; what can man do to you?  (Hebrews 13:5–6)
  • You can have the courage to ask that young woman to marry you, trusting the Lord that he will always be there even as your whole life is rearranged and everything you understand and know is thrown out the window.
  • You can have the courage to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, trusting the Lord to protect you and to bring you through any ensuing trials.
  • You can trust the Lord after being dumped, knowing that he is present in the deepest darkness and will bring you through it (Psalm 23:4).  His own Son was forsaken so that you would never be abandoned.

What is wonderful is that there are so many ways to trust the Lord!  You might even face a decision where there is no “right” or “wrong” answer—just a choice of how you will express your faith in God.  Here’s the bottom line, delivered with a heavy dose of hyperbole:  whether you marry, and who you marry, are not important questions.  What’s truly important is that you act out of faith in a gracious God, showing the world how great his faithfulness really is.  His steadfast love for you will never cease.  Every morning, you will see his mercy to you in new and precious ways.  He has given himself to you.  Hope in him.  (Lamentations 3:22–23)

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The Single Life: A Season of Opportunity

October 23, 2009 by Dave

If you read the last post, you’re probably worried that this one will be another essay of outrageous length.  Well, don’t worry!  This one is more straightforward.  I won’t devote quite as much space to this particular “lens” through which the single life comes into focus.  That’s not because this perspective is less important; it’s because this one is easier to explain.

First of all, if you are single, you have a unique opportunity to serve the Lord. This is the reason that Paul praises the single life in 1 Corinthians 7.  He explains:

I want you to be free from anxieties.  The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.  But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.  And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit.  But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. (vv. 32–34)

Like I said—pretty straightforward!  While there’s no denying that married people can serve the Lord by behaving appropriately toward their spouses (Eph 5:22–33), single people have much more free time and energy to serve the Lord in other ways.  For example, an unmarried man or woman may have more time to help out with child care at the church, or volunteer at a local animal shelter, or visit church members in the hospital, or pray for the salvation of friends who are not believers.  Open doorHe or she doesn’t have the pressing concern of pleasing a spouse or taking care of a child.  If you are single, you are flexible and free to serve the Lord in many ways that a married person is not!  What a great privilege this is!

Here’s the problem, though.  It’s really easy to become self-indulgent as a single person.  It’s really easy to spend your money on yourself, to buy things that offer a fleeting sense of pleasure, to waste hours on mere entertainment, to spend time only with people whose company you enjoy, or to pour all of your energy into hobbies that don’t contribute to the well-being of others and demonstrate the supremacy of Jesus Christ.  Paul warns, “Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).  Everything we do should be done because we want God to be seen as great by ourselves and by others.  For example, this means that we only take time to relax because we want to regain the energy needed to serve the Lord and serve other people!  In his letter to the Galatian church, Paul warns believers who are freed from slavery to the law of Moses, “Do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another” (5:13).  We are not bound to the law; we are not required to keep it in order to be declared righteous by God.  But we were not set free just so that we can indulge ourselves however we please.  We were set free to “walk by the Spirit” (v. 16).  Don’t waste this opportunity as a single person to serve the Lord!

Now, what about those who would rather not remain single?  Paul recognizes that not everyone has been given the spiritual gifting necessary to go without marriage (1 Corinthians 7:7–8).  To those whom God has not given this gift, he says, “If they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry.  For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion” (v. 9).  This truly is a counter-cultural solution to sexual temptation!  In my Ask the Pastors article on sex and the single person, I argued that sexual desire should encourage a single person to seek marriage, which should in turn encourage him or her to become the kind of person who can get married.  This, I believe, is the second opportunity presented by the single life—the opportunity to grow up. If you are single but want to be married, take full advantage of this time to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18).  Grow up to salvation through the pure spiritual milk of the gospel (1 Peter 2:2).  Grow up as part of a church community (Ephesians 4:15–16).  Grow up to become the kind of man or woman who is a faithful servant and friend of God.  In particular, train yourself for marriage:  learn how to forgive, how to communicate, how to manage your money responsibly, how to use your time well, how to raise children.  It’s pretty ridiculous that we spend twelve years of schooling plus college to train ourselves for our careers, but we think six hours of premarital counseling will be enough to train us for our marriages.  Attach yourself to a godly family in your church; watch and learn from them.  Volunteer in the church nursery, teach a Sunday School class, or offer to babysit for families in the church.  Prepare for marriage with more earnestness than you would prepare for your career.  After all, who would be bold enough to insist that your career is more important than your family?

The single life is a time of great opportunity.  It is not a time to spend hours in front of the TV or computer, to spend money selfishly, to pour oneself into activities of no lasting value.  It is a time to glorify the Lord by serving him and by growing up to be a mature man or woman.

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The Single Life: A Season of Suffering

October 15, 2009 by Dave

Suffering is a strong word, isn’t it?  Where do I get off describing the single life as “a season of suffering”?  Isn’t suffering something for an underground church pastor in a foreign country who gets his arms and legs broken for preaching the gospel?  Or perhaps for a woman whose husband leaves her because he can’t handle the stress of her terminal cancer?

Well, yes it is, obviously.  Nevertheless, I think we can all agree that there are degrees of suffering.  The suffering some people have to face goes beyond what language can describe, even language at its most poetic.  However, I want to broaden our understanding of what suffering is—not to water it down, but to convince you of the love of God.  He has provided his Word to help you in every difficulty you may face, no matter how minor.  And suffering is simply hardship that challenges our faith.  In his book Desiring God, John Piper offers these words:

All experiences of suffering in the path of Christian obedience, whether from persecution or sickness or accident, have this in common: They all threaten our faith in the goodness of God and tempt us to leave the path of obedience. Therefore, every triumph of faith and all perseverance in obedience are testimonies to the goodness of God and the preciousness of Christ—whether the enemy is sickness, Satan, sin, or sabotage.

Therefore, all suffering, of every kind, that we endure in the path of our Christian calling is a suffering “with Christ” and “for Christ.” With Him in the sense that the suffering comes to us as we are walking with Him by faith and in the sense that it is endured in the strength He supplies through His sympathizing high-priestly ministry (Hebrews 4:15). For Him in the sense that the suffering tests and proves our allegiance to His goodness and power and in the sense that it reveals His worth as an all-sufficient compensation and prize.  (p. 257)

We cannot dodge suffering forever.  We can try to medicate or entertain it away, but even in the Disneyland of Western culture, it finds us.  Following the above quotation, Piper adds that suffering is “intended by Satan for the destruction of our faith and governed by God for the purifying of our faith.”  Wherever on earth we go, Satan will try to destroy us, but God will be there to restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish us (1 Peter 5:8–11).

Now, here’s what I find so wonderful about this understanding of suffering.  God’s Word helps us here!  In the Psalms, which deal extensively with suffering, we learn how to come to God with whatever pain we are experiencing, whether physical or emotional.  We see in Jesus and in his followers—especially the apostle Paul—the joy that suffering can bring.  We begin to realize that there is no sorrowful or melancholy thought that the Holy Spirit cannot console through the Word, and that we truly can rejoice in any circumstance.

Melancholy bridesmaidWhen it comes to being single, there is suffering.  There must be.  A thread of suffering runs through every stage of life.  If you are single, you will suffer.  If you are married, you will suffer.  If you are a child, you will suffer.  If you are an adult, you will suffer.  If you are a man, you will suffer.  If you are a woman, you will suffer.  In each situation, there is a different quality to the suffering.  In this post, I want to focus particularly on the suffering that a single person faces, because in doing so, you and I can then turn to God’s Word and learn how to respond to this thread of suffering in our lives or in the lives of others.

Perhaps you are single, and as you consider your life, you do not sense any sort of suffering in the way that I am about to describe.  Wonderful!  Perhaps this is an indication that you are spiritually gifted to remain single, faithfully serving the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:7–8).  However, not all people suffer to the same degree; some have a strong desire for marriage, and this desire is not wrong (at least, not unless it becomes one’s identity, a consuming need for marriage which is nothing short of idolatry).  Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that there is something wrong with you if you want to be married.  After all, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).  Yet many with this desire only experience a “hope deferred”; they know what that sickness of heart feels like (Proverbs 13:12).  It may not be a consuming pain, but the suffering is still there.  I can think of at least six ways in which the single life may bring suffering, ranging from the almost absurdly minor to the more difficult and painful:

  • Awkwardness.  You are often questioned about your relationship status.  Well-meaning people try to set you up with someone you’re not interested in.  You have to take great care how friendly you are toward single people of the opposite sex so as not to arouse unwanted interest.
  • Loneliness.  There is no one to go home to, no one to climb into bed with, no one to hold, no one to rejoice in as you share a life as “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
  • Rejection.  A person whom you have been dating for over a year ends the relationship.  A young woman turns you down when you ask her out.  You go for years without any interest from the young men you know.  You really like someone and long for him or her to return your affection, but he or she shows no interest in you.
  • Alienation.  In many churches, you are treated as not-quite-an-adult.  When your good friends marry, they withdraw from you because they’re convinced you can’t understand their new life together.  The pastor’s sermons always seem to be addressed toward marriage and family life and never to your struggles.  (Thankfully, none of these are the case at my church!)
  • Despair.  Weeks turn to months turn to years.  And still, there is no one.  Nor does there seem to be any chance that things will change.  Once again, “hope deferred makes the heart sick.”
  • Unfulfilled sexual desire.  Martin Luther once observed, “To bear and to overcome [sexual desires] until the age of forty is truly a grievous and great burden.”  For you, these words ring true—sexual temptation is absolutely relentless.  Pornography is unbelievably easy to access; immodest dress is the norm among friends, classmates, and coworkers; and your mind eagerly rushes toward sexual fantasy.

Whether rejection or despair or unfulfilled sexual desire, perhaps you find yourself asking, “How long, O LORD?” (Psalm 13:1).  What good could possibly come from suffering?

Here’s the good news:  this suffering is not futile.  There is a purpose to it, and this purpose—to glorify God—is found in the Word of God.  The apostle Paul offers at least three ways in which you can glorify God through suffering:

  1. Sanctification.  In Romans, Paul writes, “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (5:3–5).  Suffering is a means by which God makes you more holy, conforming you to the image of his Son, Jesus Christ (Romans 8:29).  Paul (and James, 1:2–3) is saying to the single person, “Take joy in this hardship you face!  It is refining your character and making you into the humble, persevering servant that can demonstrate the supreme character of Christ.”
  2. Integrity.  A proper response to suffering validates our integrity as his messengers.  The world offers ways to cope with or fix these sufferings.  Whether it’s lowering your standards and marrying an ungodly person, turning to pornography or masturbation as a sexual release, or always needing to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, there are ways of (temporary and ultimately destructive) escape.  If you persevere through suffering and seek the will of God, even if it means self-denial, your willingness to undergo pain for the sake of Christ will stand out to others (1 Corinthians 5:9).  When they see your commitment to your Lord, this will draw their attention from you to him.  Though you are weak and weary, they will see in you the treasure of the gospel, and they will know that the surpassing power that keeps you on your feet belongs to God and not to you (2 Corinthians 4:7), and that his power is made perfect in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).  Paul is saying to you, “Your suffering advances the gospel and proves the sufficiency of your Savior.  So take joy in it!  Don’t try to hide it but rather boast in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).”
  3. Consolation.  Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 1:3–4, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” Paul and Timothy view their suffering as a means by which the Corinthians can be comforted.  As God their Father has comforted them when they suffer, now they can turn and comfort the Corinthians as well.  Perhaps there is a unique element to this because of Paul’s role as an apostle.  However, when you go through suffering, you too are able to comfort others because your experiences give you an understanding of suffering and of the comfort available in Christ.  Paul is saying to you, “Your suffering is the means by which others will be comforted when they suffer.  So take joy in it, because it is a tool for loving ministry that God has placed in your hand!”

If you are single and suffering, I encourage you to consider how your suffering can be a source of joy rather than gloominess, self-pity, and depression.  I know it’s hard; I’ve been on more emotional roller-coasters than I’d care to admit!  For the single Christian, it may be difficult to understand why God is allowing this suffering.  But it is also a great opportunity to honor, glorify, and please God.  Don’t try to bury the pain or hide it from others, but be willing to share it with a small group of trustworthy believers who can support you with prayer and encouragement.  (Please note that I said small and trustworthy.)

If you are married, I encourage you to carefully consider this perspective of the single life as a form of suffering.  Do you envy single people for their freedom?  This freedom often comes at a price!  Do you view them as miserable and pitiable?  They are not, because they too have “treasure in jars of clay” (2 Corinthians 4:7).  Do you view them solely as “projects” to be fixed—either by finding them a spouse on the one hand or by berating them for their desire for marriage on the other?  Please don’t do that!  They will withdraw from you and hide their suffering from you, and you will lose the opportunity to minister to them.  True love leads with compassion, seeking to understand and encourage before offering advice.

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Perspectives on the Single Life: An Introduction

October 13, 2009 by Dave

Following up on my Ask the Pastors article on sex and the single person, I’d like to tackle the issue of singleness in general.  One of the greatest challenges of being single has been knowing how I should view this season of my life.  What sort of attitude should I hold toward being unmarried?  There are a lot of conflicting ideas out there, and it’s extraordinarily difficult to separate truth from error.

I’d like to begin a series of posts setting out a few “lenses” through which we can view the single life.  At this point, I’m going to limit the discussion to people like myself who have never been married, since that’s been my only experience and also the life situation which I’ve considered the most carefully.  Perhaps some of the discussion will apply to those who are divorced or widowed as well.

Now, for starters, I really would rather use a word other than single.  Whenever I come across that word, my mind immediately turns to Kraft Singles, that famous and undelicious source of pasteurized prepared cheese product.  For example, I remember once perusing a booklet on the subject of single life entitled “Being God’s Man as a Satisfied Single.”  The front cover featured a mountain biker tearing down a steep slope, his arms and legs thrust out in front of him in a surge of adrenaline.

Like cheese, only not!

Unfortunately, when I think of the phrase satisfied single, I imagine some poor slob draped across his living room couch at three in the morning, sating himself on dozens of individually wrapped Kraft Singles slices.  Surrounded by discarded wrappers, with fragments of cheese-product squares dangling from his twitching lips, he thrusts his arms into the half-empty package for more in a surge of gluttony.  It’s a marvelously distasteful image—and that’s what I associate with the word single.  Regrettably, that’s the word everyone else seems to like, so I’m stuck with it.

Moving on from these unnecessary and disturbing thoughts, I would like to lay out my understanding of the single life as it has coalesced in my mind over the last few weeks.  I’ll be writing three posts which dwell on these three perspectives or “lenses”:

  1. The single life as a season of suffering
  2. The single life as a season of opportunity
  3. The single life as a season for trust

This is a challenging (and rather personal) subject to discuss, so I’d appreciate your prayers as I write these posts—that I would express my thoughts clearly and candidly, and that they would be honoring to God and his truth, pointing to Jesus Christ as all-sufficient and supreme.

As always, I would love to read your own thoughts in the comments of each post.  I’m still in the process of forming my worldview, and always will be, so I like to hear others’ perspectives.  (I especially like to hear others’ perspectives when they can demonstrate a biblical basis for their views.)

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Baptists vs. Presbyterians: the animated video debate

August 28, 2009 by Dave

Using the magic of Xtranormal, here’s how I imagine my debate with Kyle a few weeks back would have looked like if we had done it in person.  And if I were a cool black guy.

Posted in Artsy fartsy, Laugh, dangit!!, Video | 12 Comments »

The Broken Rose

August 26, 2009 by Dave

~ ~ ~

The Broken Rose

Who would love the blossomed rose—
Luster her alluring pow’r,
Fragrance of arousal crowned?
Lovers all ablaze surround—
Bloom and root and stem devour.

Who would want the broken rose?
Seared in sin, in ashes grown;
Tortured pale, her petals torn;
Leaves are lost and left the thorn
Naked on the stem, alone.

Jesus wants the broken rose
While her twisted shape is thrown,
Shriveled, to the wilting scorn:
“Leave, oh, leave her not forlorn,”
Wept and whispered for his own.

Jesus loves the broken rose,
Waters with a bleeding show’r;
Root has gripped the sanguine ground;
Drops of blood, their riches found,
Rise through stem and red the flow’r.

~ ~ ~

Dead rose

Photo by David Garzon

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The case for early marriage?

August 5, 2009 by Dave

At Adam’s recommendation, I read an article in Christianity Today entitled “The Case for Early Marriage.”  I’ll admit I was blown away because I had never seen anyone offer this justification for getting married early (by “early” the author means “early 20s”):

Our Creator clearly intended for male and female to be knit together in covenantal relationship. An increasing number of men and women, however, aren’t marrying. They want to. But it’s not happening. And yet in surveying this scene, many Christians continue to perceive a sexual crisis, not a marital one. We buy, read, and pass along books about battling our sexual urges, when in fact we are battling them far longer than we were meant to.…While our sexual ideals have remained biblical and thus rooted in marriage, our ideas about marriage have changed significantly.

I’d like to hear everyone’s thoughts on this article (after reading it all the way through, please).  Do you agree with the main premise?  Why or why not—and how does it line up with scripture?  Could the article have used more nuance?

Here are my initial thoughts:

  • The main idea behind this article is spectacularly true.  God clearly designed us to get married a lot younger than young people in our culture decide to do so.  Sex drive is like a giant billboard from God screaming to young women and especially young men, “Grow up, stupid!”  Rather than trying to block out our sex drives, perhaps we should pay closer attention to what they’re saying.  God wants us to stop being adolescents and start growing up!
  • Our culture is super bizarre.  Historically, people got married young—even in their teens—because they had to grow up.  There was no such thing as extended adolescence (or adolescence at all, for that matter).  It’s extremely foolish to think that our cultural practices are somehow “normal,” and we should think carefully before conforming to them (Romans 12:2).
  • We absolutely must pair abstinence teaching in youth groups with teaching on marriage.  Biblical instruction on marriage must begin early (following the example of the book of Proverbs).  How can we continue teaching young people to “put off” sexual sin without “putting on” proper marital relationships (à la Ephesians 4)?  And how ridiculous is it that we think a few sessions of premarital counseling is anywhere near enough to prepare young people for marriage—especially in a culture bombarding them with false teaching on marriage and sexuality?  We need to foster godly character and a biblical worldview in our young people so that they can get married early.
  • We need to be concerned about the fact that young people are trained to worry about career long before worrying about family.  And we wonder why so many marriages are sacrificed to people’s careers.
  • This is a great quote:  “Most young Americans no longer think of marriage as a formative institution, but rather as the institution they enter once they think they are fully formed.”  And as any believer knows, that won’t happen in this life.
  • I appreciate that the author takes time to handle objections to his view.  From what I’ve seen, most people who discourage younger marriages do so on the basis of their own experience, projecting their former selves onto the people to whom they gladly dispense their advice.  However, there are difficulties that arise from younger marriages that do need to be recognized.
  • Younger marriages are in great danger if they are pursued in isolation from community.  Without encouragement and instruction from the church, two relatively immature people who get married are in big trouble!  With this encouragement and instruction, their marriage can be a terrific way to be conformed to the image of Christ.  I’m grateful for the marriage mentoring ministry that has begun at Kossuth, and I’m looking forward to seeing it reinforce marriages throughout our church.
  • I wish the author had been more precise when discussing the idea of marrying an immature person.  There is a big difference between someone who is spiritually immature but growing and someone who is spiritually immature and unwilling to grow.  The former can be a good candidate for marriage; the latter shouldn’t be let anywhere near the altar.

I’m sure I will think of more things to say later.  What do you think?

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Serve the Lord by staying healthy

August 1, 2009 by Dave

For I was envious of the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
For they have no pangs until death;
their bodies are fat and sleek.

—Ps 73:3–4

All right, I’ll be honest.  This is one of those passages in the Bible that makes me snicker every time I read it.  “Fat and sleek”?  Wow.  Of course, if you read a translation other than the ESV, it won’t be as humorous.  Regardless, the word used here does mean fat (not strong, as some translations would have it).

In ancient Israel, being fat was considered to be a good thing.  That’s why Solomon praises his wife for having “rounded thighs” (Song of Solomon 7:1).  Men had the hots for women who were pale and overweight.  In fact, in many parts of the world, that’s still true today.  It makes sense if you think about it.  The greater diet problem was not obesity but malnutrition.  Pale skin indicated that a woman stayed indoors all day, living the high life, rather than working out in the fields.

Symbols of healthIn contemporary America, the opposite is true, for reasons that also make sense.  Malnutrition is not the problem; obesity is.  So of course a thin figure is highly praised.  As far as skin tone is concerned, it’s now the rich who can afford to spend all day at the beach, while the working class stay pasty.  (As far as men go, the standard hasn’t changed too much; most cultures seem to value strong, rugged men who spend time in the great outdoors.)

So in a sense, beauty is relative to culture.  There are some things that are true across all cultures (the cyclops will always be ugly).  However, the standards for beauty have changed because physical appearance communicates different things in different cultures.

We can respond to this truth in two different ways.  One approach is to view physical appearance and health as irrelevant.  If we go this way, we will view the body as unimportant while focusing exclusively on cultivating the soul.  Now, God’s Word is clear that “while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way” (1 Timothy 4:8).  However, it is a dangerous error to neglect our physical bodies.  This error is due to a Platonic view that the body holds us back and that it will ultimately be discarded in favor of pure, unhindered soul.  The Bible is withering in its condemnation of this false teaching (e.g. 1 Corinthians 15, Colossians 2:16–23).  God made the body and the soul to be together, closely integrated with one another.

Woman joggingThe other approach fastens onto the truth that physical appearance communicates something.  This is obvious to anyone  who has found himself underdressed for a pricey restaurant; it is obvious to any woman who has forgotten to put on eye shadow; it is obvious to any teenage boy with a zit on his face.  We communicate with other people not only through words and actions but through appearance.

As Christians, “we are ambassadors for Christ” (2 Corinthians 5:20).  We serve him by representing him to others, communicating on his behalf.  Thus, our physical appearance is a golden opportunity to communicate the supremacy of Jesus Christ to a world that has rejected his claim to be its King.  So how can maintaining good health communicate the supremacy of Christ?  Here are three ways (each with a caveat):

1. Servanthood.

There are many reasons why a person may eat well and exercise in order to stay in shape.  As believers, our motivation must be to glorify God by presenting our bodies “as a living sacrifice” (Romans 12:1).  We should stay healthy not to draw attention to ourselves but rather to serve God.  By remaining in good health, we present ourselves as more capable instruments to be used by him.  This is particularly true in later life, when the body begins to break down; by focusing on physical health when younger, we can prepare ourselves for service to the Lord even when we’ve grown old.

(If you’re married, this also a way in which you can serve your spouse—by remaining physically attractive to him or her!)

The caveat, of course, is that our health is not always under our control.  Perhaps God has given you a “ministry of suffering,” in which you glorify God by trusting him through poor health.  There is more than one way to communicate to the world that we are servants of the great King.

2.  Holistic servanthood.

This is simply point #1 taken to its fullest extent.  By submitting our bodies to God’s Word, we demonstrate that the Christian faith is holistic—there is no part of our lives to which it does not relate.  We cannot divorce the way we treat our bodies from the way we love our Lord.  By showing that we value physical health, we show that the Lord wants his people to devote all of their being to him (Deuteronomy 6:5).  There is no part of us that we may hold back for ourselves.  All of what we do contributes to godly character.

The caveat here is that we may end up identifying ourselves more with our physical health or appearance than with Jesus Christ, whom we serve.  We must take care to remember that we are not serving ourselves but him.  We must take care not to become unbalanced in the wrong direction (a prevalent error in our culture), focusing solely on the physical and external.

3.  Beauty.

If you don’t think physical beauty is important to God, you’ve never read the Song of Solomon!  In this love poem, both man and woman are praised for the appearance of their bodies.  This poetry (and its frequent garden imagery) reminds us of Eden, before sin entered the world, when “the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25).  Furthermore, when we see physical beauty, it is a herald of the greater beauty to come at the resurrection, when our perishable and mortal bodies put on the imperishable and immortal, being raised in glory (1 Corinthians 15:53).  How wonderful it would be if whenever we saw a physically beautiful person, it reminded us of the coming world in which the Curse is removed and we live in perfect harmony and intimacy with all creation and its King?

(And let’s face it:  if you’re single and want to get married, physical health and beauty helps.  A lot.  Anyone who says it’s unimportant is naive and has an unbiblical perspective on the body.)

The caveat here is obvious.  We can let mere external, physical beauty become an idol, treasuring it above the “imperishable beauty” of good character (1 Peter 3:3–4).  We can obsess over it and devote all of our attention to it.  We can let it be an end in and of itself.  How we shortchange ourselves by doing so!  Will the beauty of our bodies now ever compare with their beauty at the resurrection?  Let’s not lose sight of the restoration that will be fully accomplished in Jesus Christ.

Healthy foodsI hope what I’ve written helps to spur you on toward good health!  I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not perfect at this.  I could do a better job of eating healthy and exercising regularly.  However, my goal is that I would learn to do these things for the Lord’s sake, not to draw attention to myself.  I encourage you to go for it!  If I can take the Hundred Push Ups challenge, trust me—there’s nothing stopping you.  Physical health is probably not as hard or as time-consuming as you think.

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You the people decide: Presbyterians vs. Baptists

July 18, 2009 by Dave

One of my minor projects this week was to crush an opponent in heated debate.  To that end, I instigated an eventful Facebook debate.  The opponents:

Dave (debate)Dave Nannery (aka Banannery)
Your favorite blogger and a master of logic and theology.  Loves all of God’s creatures and was kind to a kitten once.  Wildly successful and loved by all the village folk.

Kyle (debate)Kyle Borg (aka Jr. Cheeseborger)
A friend, a brother of my former roommate, a rabid Presbyterian and seminarian, and a proprietor of the super-secret Synod of Saints blog devoted to dead theologians and infant baptism.

I encourage you to read our arguments and vote on who won!  (I.e. yours truly.)

Resolved:  Baptists are better than Presbyterians.

I argued for the affirmative (correct) position, while Jr. Cheeseborger argued for the negative (wrong) position.

Dave (debate)Hey Jr. Cheeseborger, I was just thinking today about what the main difference is between Baptists and Presbyterians, and as it turns out, the main difference is that Baptists are better. Your thoughts?

Kyle (debate)If by better you mean Baptists ignore the sound exegesis of covenant theology, ignore historical Christianity, and practically hate children, then yes, you’re correct. But I would say it all hinges on how you define “better.” :)

Dave (debate)Your accusations fall on deaf ears because some of the soundest exegetes from historical Christianity have been Baptists. For example:

  1. John the Baptist (duh)
  2. Jesus (who loved children)
  3. Peter
  4. Paul
  5. All the other apostles
  6. Your mom

∴ QED

I think the only way you could counter my argument is if you inserted your own little three-dot pyramid.

Kyle (debate)I’ll take your Apostle(s) Paul, Peter, et al, John the Baptist, Jesus, and my mom and raise you Augustine, John Calvin, Francis Turretin, Herman Witsius, and Charles Hodge. HA! ;)

Dave (debate)Judging from the fact that you did not include a three-dot pyramid with your counter-argument, I can see that you have forfeited that point of the debate. Thus, after a brief celebration of victory, it is time for me to launch into my second logically airtight argument. Its premises are indisputable:

  • Premise 1: Most people believe that Dunkin’ Donuts is good.
  • Premise 2: Presbyterians believe that dunkin’ babies is good.
  • Conclusion 1: Presbyterians believe babies are donuts.
  • Premise 3: Most people eat donuts for breakfast.
  • Conclusion 2: Presbyterians eat babies for breakfast.
  • Premise 4: Baptists don’t eat babies for breakfast.
  • Premise 5: People who don’t eat babies for breakfast are better than people who do eat babies for breakfast.
  • Conclusion 3: Baptists are better than Presbyterians.

∴ QED

Kyle (debate)Premise two is disputable since it was only Luther who thought babies should be dunked, and last I checked he wasn’t Presbyterian. Not to mention I do not share your Aristotlian presuppositions, thus rendering any logical syllogism you can throw my way pretty useless. Logic is too circular—after all, what’s the logical syllogism to prove that logic is logical (go ahead and try to process that Baptist).
∴ QED
PS: Why do you hate children?

Dave (debate)Jr. Cheeseborger, allow me to dismantle your counter-argument point-by-point. You’re welcome.

  1. Regarding Luther: He’s dead, ergo your argument is irrelevant.
  2. Regarding Aristotle: See point 1.
  3. Regarding logic: Logic is not circular; it is pyramidal. Have you learned nothing from the three-dot pyramid? You are wielding its powers in ignorance, as a child wields his father’s gun.
  4. Regarding children: If I really hated children, I would bring them in front of the church to splash water in their faces for no reason.
  5. Regarding white space between paragraphs: You need it.

∴ QED

You can surrender at any time. There is no shame in giving up the debate!

Kyle (debate)Why do you hate children?

.

Dave (debate)YOUR MOM is circular.

Oooooooh, debate over! You lose!

Posted in Laugh, dangit!!, The issues | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

The aesthetics (or lack thereof) of gender-inclusive language

July 2, 2009 by Dave

Over the last few decades, certain groups in the English-speaking world (or at least in the North American English-speaking world) have set out to neuter the English language.  I actually mean that in a literal sense, since there is increasing opposition to the use of masculine nouns and pronouns to describe an unknown or generic person.  Apparently, even though this is a common feature of many languages throughout human history, and no one saw it as a problem until now, this usage of grammar discriminates against women.  For example, when he landed on the moon, Neil Armstrong said:

That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.

Moon footprintI simply can’t imagine any public figure making such a statement today.  It’s way too masculine.  He referred to himself as a “man,” implying the primacy of men in exploration, and he referred to humanity as “mankind,” implying that it is represented by men.  Wouldn’t it have been more sensitive for Neil to refashion his famous line en route to the moon?

That’s one small step for a person, one giant leap for humanity.

Much better!  Except that we’ve ruined the wordplay that made such a statement compelling in the first place.  This is the problem that I have with gender-inclusive language:  it’s tone-deaf, in a literary sense.  I’m actually not opposed to the idea of language being gender inclusive per se.  It doesn’t trouble me at all.  What I am opposed to is the way this particular trend has gutted the English language of so much poetic beauty.  Let me give you a more realistic example, appropriate because yesterday was Canada Day (formerly known as Dominion Day, if you’re not afraid of dominions):

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.

Canadian flagThat’s the first stanza of the Canadian national anthem.  It’s not gonna leave you in tears, but it’s still pretty good.  Now, do you see the problem here?  It only mentions “sons.”  What about Canada’s daughters?  Apparently, they are excluded from having patriot love commanded by their home and native land.  So a few feminists have whipped up this clever rewording:

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all of us command.

Which is grammatically correct and simultaneously sounds like it was written by a fifth-grader.  Knowing Canadian cultural trends, I am confident that one day this rewrite will come to pass, and that my fellow Canadians will have even less incentive to sing their national anthem.  I plan to mumble that line under my breath.

I’m also troubled by the way that this gender-inclusive invasion is worming itself into Christian hymns.  Here’s a good example of a well-written hymn—the final verse to “Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee”:

Mortals, join the happy chorus
Which the morning stars began;
Father love is reigning o’er us,
Brother love binds man to man.
Ever singing, march we onward,
Victors in the midst of strife.
Joyful music leads us Sunward
In the triumph song of life.

Immediately, you can tell where this stanza is often changed.  The third and fourth lines are replaced with this passable rewrite:

Love divine is reigning o’er us,
Leading us with mercy’s hand.

Sheet musicI use the word passable because these lines actually do fit the rhyme scheme and meter of the stanza.  However, they’re inferior in every way to the lines which they replaced.  The “Father love” / “Brother love” parallelism is gone.  (Why is “Father love” replaced, anyway?  Is God not our Father?)  “Love divine” is a much more awkward phrase than “Father love.”  The alliteration of Father-reigning-o’er, brother-binds, and man-to-man is dropped.  And the logical flow into the next line disappears; instead of God’s people being bound together with brother love and then marching onward together in song, we have the jarring effect of talking about “love divine” and then jumping forward to a victory march.  The new lines are insipid in comparison to the rest of the song.  Are masculine nouns and pronouns really so scary and terrible that they require us to crappify perfectly good literature and music?

So here’s where I stand:  I don’t mind gender-inclusive language in informal speech and writing.  For instance, I often find myself using them to refer to an individual of unknown gender when I speak.  But I find it irritating to read that sort of grammar in writing that is actually intended to sound good.  Much the same way that “y’all” and “you did good” work well in spoken English but not in written English, gender-inclusive language usually tends to undermine the beauty of the English language in any context where aesthetic value is important.  So, in my opinion, an author should avoid using it when he’s writing anything more substantial than an email.

Posted in The issues | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

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